I know what boys like! (Actually that's not true)

When I started this blog, I promised to blog honestly. So here's an honest story.

This post focuses on my own insecurities as a person.

It may contain personal opinions, jaded points of view and self-deprecating humour.

I have a lot of guy friends. In order to maintain this status quo without causing trouble, I make decisions when I meet guys as to whether they are friends or potential boyfriends. A guy can move from potential boyfriend to friend but once a guy is in the friend zone, I see him like a brother and a Ken doll. It is damn near impossible to move then.

I hung out with my friend Tony for the first time in years today. I was invited wakeboarding but thanks to my latest 'Sassy's accident of the week', I wasn't able to risk reinjuring my barely stable knee. But I agreed to go along with what I thought was a group of people. Now I met Tony in university. We were working on a group assignment with another girl, Victoria. Tony had a thing for Victoria so I'm very confident he is ok with being categorised as a Ken doll. Tony & I got along great & the first time I was ever in a plane, Tony was flying me around. He even let me have a go flying too! And he's moving to Perth soon so, yeah.

As I was pulling into the carpark where I was meeting Tony, I saw a hot guy. As I drove around I figured out that the hot guy was the friend Tony mentioned was with him. Ah, yes. Sufficiently awkward. I quickly figured it was just us three. Now this guy, Adam, is that kind of hot that you just know every other girl on the planet also thinks he's hot. I'm not saying he's the best looking guy ever, just that he looks friendly, approachable and like, cool guy next door kind of hot. But in my typically judgemental and compartmentalising way (stemmed from years as the victim of bullying), I labelled him someone who was going to have nothing in common with me and was probably going to be pretty pissed off at Tony for inviting this weird girl along.

But Adam was instantly joking with me, very funny and a pretty nice guy. I had a great time with them both, taking photos of them wakeboarding. I actually had a really awesome afternoon. Then we went to the pub for beer & pool. In order to carry on the fun hanging out, we made arrangements to drive my car back home so we would have one car & one DD. But as I parked my car, Adam got or made a phone call. I'm not sure how but the girl he likes told him she was free tonight & if he wanted to see her, it had to be that night. Cue, my little heart sinking just a little. It's not as if I liked him or anything, I'd only just met him but I was still a tiny bit disappointed. Which brings me to my point.

I know nothing about this girl Adam likes. Not one detail. But here's the thing. I've imagined this girl:

She has beautiful glossy chocolate brown hair that she straightens every day.

She is never caught without makeup.

She spends a lot of money on clothes and always looks great.

She wears heels no matter what.

Her cute little handbag has a phone, wallet, keys & liploss in it. That's it.

She has heaps of equally gorgeous friends who all look very similar. Their photos look like girl band promo shots.

Her Facebook shows her in clubs, with friends, on the beach & at holiday places like Bali & Thailand.

That's what guys want. Right?

I have dirty blonde hair that I rarely brush between washes. I only straighten if for a really special occassion.

My idea of make up is scratched on eyeliner, mascara & recently I bought a super invisible foundation. That's my going out makeup.

I do not buy anything that is not on sale. I also shop at op shops. Because I like them.

I wear heels if it's a special occassion & I won't actually need to stand up.

My handbag sling across my body & has everything including tablets, old receipts, lolly wrappers, half drunk water bottles and once, even swimming goggles.

My friends are gorgeous. I have a small handful of them. We don't go out much.

My Facebook shows me playing football, Kinect shots from my Xbox & taking stupid photos of myself, usually for comedic purposes.

That's NOT what guys want. Right?

I asked guys on Twitter what they value in a girl.

I got answers like funny, intelligent, shared interests, doesn't smoke, kind, generous... These are all qualities I like to think I possess. Now Twitter guys are smart guys. But I'm not sure they represent the typical red-blooded male. Given half a chance, I think most guys would take the hot chick over some weird, football & Xbox-loving quasi guy like me.

I can not stress enough, I am NOT fishing for compliments. This is my blog. These are my thoughts.

You see, on paper I know I sound like the ultimate girlfriend. I love sport. I love playing Xbox. I hate flick chicks & love action movies. I am more than willing to laugh at myself. I can fix most things around a house. I also am aware that I am no swamp donkey. But I don't think that is actually what guys wants.

I think they want the girl who oozes sex appeal in short skirts & gorgeous clothes, not the girl in the tartan skirt & Pink Floyd shirt. They want the girl who pouts into the camera with perfectly made up hair and faces, not the girl who couldn't really be bothered, as long as I don't look too bad, I'm OK.

Girl who oozes sex appeal

Girl who doesn't take herself seriously

I grew up the only girl in a house with two guys. I can use most power tools. I can fix almost anything in a house. I've tiled bathrooms, painted walls, built cupboards and laid concrete. Other girls won't get dirty because they will break a nail or they just plain don't know or care how to fix things. That's what girls are meant to do and what guy wants to be emasculated when his girlfriend can fix the broken door but he can't?

Girl who looks hot with power tools

Girl who can actually use power tools

I play football three times a week plus regularly just kick a ball around my yard. I play with men on a Monday night and I play hard. A few weeks ago, I was knocked out playing keeper. Other girls play netball. Once a week. Maybe. Or they go to they gym looking freakishly perfect, work up a gentle sweat & pat themselves down ready to starve themselves for another week.

Girl who is a gorgeous gym bunny

Girl who breaks herself playing sport

Guys also like the hot girl who gets together with her girlfriend on a Friday night & Saturday night. They wear heels for the entire time, they drink Cruisers or something and flirt outrageously. My Friday nights are more often than not spent playing Xbox or watching movies. That's if I don't have a football game. My Saturday nights are spent much the same way except I'll be watching football by the end of it because the EPL games start at about 10pm.

Girls and their Friday night shots

Girl and her Friday night shots

Girls always look gorgeous and "guy ready". Always. They're like ultimate fantasies and look just how they should, as girls, all the time.

Girl who looks gorgeous going to bed

Girl who wears dinosaur PJs to bed

This is just how I see it. I see these girls who always look perfect & I look down at my own dinosaur Tshirt & jeans. I know I'm different. I know who I am & I love who I am. I am confident and not fake at all. But I just can't be that girl. Not without being fake. And I can't do the hair and the makeup. I've tried. When I was hanging out with the guys today, I was talking about how I'm sure I can wakeboard because I can skate the ramps & bowls on rollerblades. I talked about how I want to go to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. I suggested beers and pool. And then I asked the barman to put the football on the bar TV.

I feel like guys are never going to take me seriously. The perfect girls are the ones who the boys want. I'm not saying guys don't like me. I know there are some that have. I'm not, as Cher would say, 'completely without' but I am not that girl.

On paper, I am the best girlfriend EVER. In reality, I guess I just don't take myself seriously enough as a girl.

Yes. This is me.
Yes, I'm a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl.
No, there wasn't a fancy dress party.
It was Friday night. We were bored.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Questions:

• What do you think guys like?
• How do you imagine the perfect girl?

PS: I'm sorry if I offend any guys (or even girls). I know all guys aren't like this. Hell, maybe most guys aren't like this. Maybe no guy is like this. I may be jaded, cynical and a little bit unwilling to put myself out there. But this is my blog. This is how I feel. And these are my thoughts. If you are one of the girls I described, note that I am not dissing you. I am jealous of you. You seem perfect to me.