Tuesday, 15 November 2011

"And try not to hurt yourself..."

It's my boyfriend's birthday on Thursday. He has planned his whole weekend out from Thursday to Sunday night. Yesterday he told me all the things he wants us to do - dinner, movie, golf, etc - and he's really excited about the whole thing. At the end of the conversation he asked me to do something for him. He asked me not to hurt myself before the weekend.

I wanted to be offended but honestly, looking at my recent history, he's right. I just asked my dad and he said I was never a clumsy child. I was once able to stand on my dad's hand in the air. There's a photo of him holding me at head height and I'm there, in a little pink jumpsuit, standing on his hand. I was nine months old.

I had childhood accidents like all other kids. I fell on top of eight glass milk bottles once - three stitches in my knee. I fell onto a chair in preschool - two stitches in my lip. I sliced my finger on a cat food tin once. I cut my pinky knuckle slicing cheese too. But in years of trampolining I never once fell off. I also never fell off my horse or my bike either. In fact, I can actually skate ramps and bowls on my rollerblades! I was always the co-ordinated one. But recently, something changed. And admittedly, Clumsy-Samantha is the only Samantha my boyfriend knows.
  • We met in March. Our first date was going to be mini-golf. But I had to cancel when I tried to cook burritos. Yes, somehow while cooking burritos I ended up with second degree burns all over my left hand. I spent a night in hospital and two months as an outpatient.
Second degree burns
Bruised knee
  • While playing football, I managed to kick myself in the knee. I was only chasing after a ball.
  • I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. I forgot I'd closed the door behind me and when I went to leave, I walked straight into the door.
  • I was dancing in my shower when I slipped and fell into the shower screen. Thank God it didn't break or it could have been much worse.
  • I walk into doorframes regularly and often simply turn corners too early and walk into walls.
  • I so badly bruised my knuckle knocking on doors that I couldn't make a fist.
Swollen knuckle
    Scratched cornea
  • We were playing golf last weekend and while walking towards my ball, something flew into my eye. I ended up in the emergency room for the second time this year. Scratched cornea and three days of recovery. (That one wasn't clumsiness but these things just keep happening to me.)
In fact, it had become such a joke how often I hurt myself that the radio show I was a co-host of introduced a new segment: Sassy's Accident of the Week. There was not a single week that I did not have an accident to report.

But back to my boyfriend and his request that I please not hurt myself before the weekend. Well not two hours after my boyfriend and I had this conversation, I went to football with my dad. We were warming up and Dad kicked a ball at about shoulder height to me. I could have ducked and headed it, I could have jumped and chested it. But I was lazy so I caught it. And in the process of catching a ball, (yes, simply catching a ball) I managed to stab myself in the eye with my own thumbnail. I wish I was kidding...
Stabbed eye
So now I'm paranoid about it getting infected or something. I'm actually scared that I am going to ruin my boyfriend's birthday weekend with my clumsiness. If I don't hurt myself beforehand, what if I hurt myself while I'm with him?

But it makes me wonder, why am I suddenly so clumsy? I know when kids are growing they lose track of their own lengthening limbs and can become quite klutzy but I've been 167cm for about 10 years now. I'm fairly used to my size. Dad thinks it may have something to do with my anxiety. Like maybe my mind is so busy stressing and worrying that it doesn't properly process my surroundings - or only enough to survive but not remain uninjured. I just hope I live until Sunday night so my boyfriend can have a happy birthday...

Miss SAMawdsley xx

  • How clumsy are you?
  • Have you ever injured yourself in a stupid way?
  • Do you have any theories on how a person could "get clumsy"?


  1. the solution is easy. Bubble wrap. Lots and lots of bubble wrap. :) I'm sure we'll have a good weekend :)

  2. Dude, that would never work. She has the mind of a gleeful little child behind that *cough* adult facade. She'd just pop them all.

    Then the only difference it'd make is youd have to unwrap her like some deli goods before applying first aid.

    Face it, its padded room or bust at this stage.

  3. Sadly i'm forced to agree.

    Well, lets inform the men in white coats. you get her legs, i'll get her arms... on three...

  4. Ha ha, I was going to say something but I think bubble wrap pretty much covers it ;)

    I'D keep my fingers crossed for you but I'd probably end up dislocating them.

    Good luck, hope your boyfriend has a happy, casualty free Birthday!

  5. WWKnight is right though, I would go mental popping it all. And it seems like you're as accident-prone as I am, huh?
    So far I haven't hurt myself beyond the eye thing & smashing my hand on a wall walking out of the bathroom - in the house I've lived in for 18 years, on & off. -.- xx