I was a hipster before it was cool to deny you are a hipster...

I am not a hipster. I'm not! I don't think. Maybe. I hope. I don't even know anymore.

I read an article a while back that I can't find anymore that was a tongue in cheek How To guide for being a hipster. I clicked the link expecting to giggle at the idiot hipsters. Instead, I found myself going "Wait! I collect vinyl. I have done for over six years now." And I wore skinny jeans before anyone else! I remember my friend laughing at me saying "only you would wear those horrible jeans from the 80s." This was in 2005. My ex's parents disliked me purely based on the opinion that "Samantha dresses weird". I always have. Suspenders? Band tees? Play suits? Staples of my wardrobe. Three years ago I scoured the shops for a pair of brogues. But I'm not actually a hipster, am I?

Allow me to dissect the following article about how to be a hipster.

The first part regards appearance. (I had linked to credit this article but my readers complained that it prevented my site from opening do to malicious something or other... sorry!)

"There's an art to finding acceptable Hipster clothing. The local thrift store will be just fine for all of your needs."

I have always shopped at op shops. I'm talking since I was little, little. Both Mum and Dad would take me to Lifeline and St Vinnies to paw over the dusty, used, but one of a kind delights. When my grandmother started volunteering in St Vinnies, she would bring hordes of stuff home for me to pick out the best stuff from. I loved it. I still do.

"First, are you wearing pants that are loose? If so, this needs to change.  Dig through the stale-smelling clothes and find some trousers. Then put them back on the rack and find some three sizes smaller."

For the last six years I've pretty much only worn skinny jeans. I bought my first pair from the bargain rack at Jay Jays for $10 because nobody in their right mind wanted them. Except me.

"A good choice for a shirt would be something subtle, but ironic, such as a Ninja Turtles t-shirt circa 1995, or perhaps a Pokemon shirt. (Don't make it too obscure though. Pikachu will be just fine.)"

Did I come back from England in 2006 sporting the most amazing Rainbow Brite shirt? Did I wear it everywhere and have infinite number of people say "OMG, I love Rainbow Brite. Where on Earth did you get such a cool shirt?" Yes. Yes I did.

"Lace tights with shorts? HELLO."

September 2006. And I made that necklace myself...

"Retro glasses are especially hipster. Even if you don't need glasses, it's still good to own a pair of these. They'll overwhelm your face AND everybody around you! In a good way!"

I begged my dad for glasses. My vision is perfect. I have the vision of a fighter pilot or a F1 driver. I asked an optometrist years ago if it was possible to get glasses with out any vision enhancing qualities. He was very confused but told me, yes, it was possible. Unfortunately Dad couldn't afford to indulge little 10 year old hipster Samantha. So I bought myself a pair when I was in England in 2010 - before you could buy them in Australia.

"This thing is called a romper. Romper=HOT. You can even cinch a belt around your romper if you want. ROMPER. ROMPER ROMPER ROMPER."

Numerous people can attest to my love of playsuits. I bought my first one in 2005.

I may meet these criteria, but am I actually a hipster? Ok, here's my latest favourite outfit.

1. Vintage Pink Floyd band tee
2. Tartan school skirt from a school I never attended
3. Stockings with built in suspenders
that are just starting to become cool
4. Union Jack leather bag I bought in 2003
5. Military heeled boots

Ok so I've established I unintentionally ooze a hipster vibe with my appearance. God damn it... but what about the rest of my life? You know, my interests?

"Being a Hipster isn't easy. The careless look and seemingly easy attitude takes hours to perfect, if not days. If you want to be a true hipster there are a variety of interests you need to have. While I can't cover all of them in this brief chapter, here are some basics for you to study."

Ok, let's hear them then...

"Hipsters have a very specific taste in music. Hipsters mainly listen to indie music, but also the classics. Listen to stuff like the Beatles, (damn it...) the Rolling Stones (What?!), and other '60s and '70s bands (You mean like Dr. Hook, Meat Loaf and Pink Floyd?... oh...). Listen to a lot of '90s music too, like Sonic Youth, Nirvana, Mudhoney, etc. (And Marcy Playground? Oh, you probably haven't heard of them, other than that one song... Damn!)"
Perhaps I would have more of a chance at arguing against this point if I wasn't currently listening to The Beatles singing in German - Sie Liebt Dich. You've probably never heard this version...

"When it comes to films there are several that make Hipsters drool.  Here is a short list of some important Hipster movies to watch and learn from.  

Donnie Darko - Every Hipster goes through an angst-y Donnie Darko phase at some point or another. Now it's your turn."

Donnie Darko? Yes, it's an awesome film but I first liked it in 2003, well before it was cool! ... God damn it!

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Because of this movie, Hipsters like the name Clementine. Also they like dying their hair pink and blue."

I may or may not like that movie. There's no proof. But in my defence, I like anything with Jim Carrey in it! And I planned to dye my hair pink when I go to England long before reading this! I've just been gainfully employed and unable to do wild things with my hair!

"DOCUMENTARIES. Hipsters love documentaries as well. It makes them feel aware.

Oh come on!! Who wrote this?! I've always loved watching documentaries! I even watched 'The Crocodile Hunter" before people even knew who Steve Irwin was! ... Oh, I just keep doing that!!

Well if I am a hispter, so is Simon! We watch documentaries together all the time! It's kind of our thing!

"Become a photographer / graphic designer / artist / writer / blogger."

I... but... trick question! I'm writing about how I'm not a hipster on my blog. That's not fair! My blog about how I'm trying to be a writer... Ugh!!!

"Hipsters don't need art school. Because they already have a keen eye for what looks acceptable and what doesn't, they make natural freelance photographers / designers / artists / writers / and bloggers."

I may have dropped out of my writers course at uni because I felt I knew it all and didn't need a degree to make it as a great writer... but that doesn't prove anything!!

But I have other interests too!

2006: I liked scrapbooking before it was cool.
And I fell in love with Tim Burton when I was 11!

2011: I didn't get into sewing because hipsters do it,
I genuinely want to make my own quilt!

2006: I liked The Nightmare Before Christmas before it was cool!
And have always loved the 80s!

2007: I've collected records since way before it was cool!

I was telling Dad about the hipster article but had to be sure he knew what a hipster was. The conversation went a little something like this.

Me: Oh I was reading this article the other day about how to be a hipster. Wait, do you know what a hipster is?

Dad: No

Me: Ok, it's like... they like things before they were cool. Like, they listen to music that nobody else does, they dress weird and stuff.

Dad: Oh ok. So like you?

And another ex's friends decided upon first meeting me that I was a hipster and I would say something and they would laugh and say "You're such a hipster, Samantha!" I was indignant, insisting that I was not.

I think, as is typically the way in life, that The Simpsons sum it up best.

Marge: Am I cool, kids?

Bart + Lisa: No.

Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool, not caring, right?

Bart + Lisa: No.

Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried everything here.

Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to be told you're cool.

Bart: Well, sure you do.

Lisa: How else would you know?

Samantha Mawdsley

Miss SAMawdsley xx