Showing posts with label Who am I?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Who am I?. Show all posts

Monday, 2 July 2012

When I was...

I'm going to play a game. If you have a blog, you can play too! You start at birth and go through each year - relating the first fact about yourself or telling the first story that comes to mind about something that happened to you when you were each age. So watch me grow up in 1,668 words.

When I was born, my family consisted of my mum, my dad and my 2 and a half year old brother Seamus. We lived in Bundaberg. I rarely admit I was born there but when I do, I preface it with "Two good things came out of Bundaberg. Bundy Rum in 1888 and me in 1985."

When I was one, my family had just moved to Brisbane. My mother bought a milk run and my father was a tiler. My favourite toy was a carrot that squeaked.

When I was two I got bored of sitting in a car seat on the passenger seat of a milk truck all day so my mother let me kind of muck around in the cab. She also wound the window down to allow air to circulate while she drove. My mother maintains I jumped out the window. I maintain I was pushed. At least she drove back to get me.


When I was three my parents forgot my birthday. My grandmother remembered and called my mother in the afternoon.
"Aren't you going to even invite me around tonight?" snapped my grandmother.
"Why would I do that?" asked my perplexed mother who had only just found solace having sent me to my room for being naughty.
"Because it's my only granddaughter's birthday?"
"Oh... can you pick up a birthday cake on your way?"
Mum came into my room with the biggest smile on her face. "Guess what, Sammy? It's your birthday! Yay!"
I was three. What did I care. They had presents for me so it's not like they forgot I existed, but I still claim I am owed half a birthday, to be called in at my convenience.

When I was four I got stitches for the first time. I was at preschool and somehow fell over a chair and ending up splitting my lip pretty badly. It only needed one stitch so the doctor said to my parents, "we can pin her down and give her an anaesthetic or we can pin her down and give her a stitch. I bravely accepted the stitch without any anaesthetic. And by that I mean I fought, bit, kicked and screamed while my parents and two nurses held me down. I remember this. A few weeks later I fell over air while carrying glass milk bottles. That needed more stitches in my right knee. All I remember about that is a lot of blood.


When I was five I started school. I was so far ahead of the other kids that I was bored. I was not the sort of child to act out or cause trouble but I was still restless. The Education Department decided to skip me ahead a grade. My parents argued that I was too much of a free-spirited and anxious child to cope with moving. They also worried about the impact on my older brother at having his little sister suddenly in the grade below. The Education Department tried again the following year but my parents still said no.

When I was six I read anything with words on it. We would be handed the weekly reader books at the teacher's desk. I would have finished it before reaching my own desk and turn around to ask for another. They quickly decided that I would go to the library by myself to pick out small novels while they handed out the little books to the other children.

When I was seven I was obsessed with two things. My "boyfriend" Thomas Rookwood and dinosaurs. Imagine my sheer and unadulterated joy when he had a Jurassic Park birthday party and of course invited me, his "girlfriend". When the day finally came, my family went to my dad's football game. I asked Mum when the party was and if we could go home soon because I didn't want to miss the party. She told me it wasn't today, Saturday, and was instead on Sunday. I didn't believe her. I turned myself inside out with worry. She was adamant that it was Sunday and that I should stop fussing. Sadly, the seven year old was right. It was Saturday and I had missed the party. Deep down, I've never really forgiven her.

When I was eight my classroom desks were set out like a big U shape. I was at the very end of the U so I only had one classmate sitting beside me. His name was David Grice. He ate Clag glue. But every term the class had a sort of pop quiz elimination contest. The teacher would spin a wheel with all our names on it and the two people who came up battled to the death (in a game of wits). The loser would be knocked off the wheel. I won all four terms.

When I was nine I was in the same class as my brother. We had both come home from school at the end of the previous year, excited to be in Mr Waldron's 5/6/7 class because he was a family friend. Imagine our shock to discover we were both in the class. I was one of the six "independent learners" from grade five and my brother was one of the 10 year sevens chosen. It turned out to be really good for me. My brother looked out for me and stopped the guys from bullying me. He couldn't do much about the girls though. He couldn't make them include me and invite me to their parties. I also got to go on the year seven camp to Moreton Island because I had to go somewhere! As a timid child who was scared of the dark, having my brother with me was a great help. And he looked after me when I got seasick on the barge ride home. But I helped him too. We did the same exams and I would feel his eyes boring into me. I would peek at him & he would motion a question number. I would motion the answer back. Sometimes he needed help, sometimes he was double checking his own answer. Either way, it worked.


When I was ten my parents separated. I've repressed a lot of the time around this period. It's very hazy. To say I was traumatised was an understatement. It was also when I first developed my fear of death.

When I was eleven, I experienced my first crush. It was the new guy to our school. He had arrived from New Zealand the year before and joined the grade six class. I was still part of the 5/6/7 composite class so I'd only seen him briefly. But suddenly we were in the same class. There were too many grade sevens so a few of us had to join the grade six class again. He was one of the "smart kids" so suddenly I found myself sharing a desk with him. I thought he was so funny and nice to me. I liked that he was smart. I never made fun of his accent like the other kids because I imagined it hurt his feelings. But I wasn't the kind of girl that boys ever noticed. I had few friends at that school so one Monday afternoon I said to Dad, "I am never going back to that school. You can't make me!" And I didn't. I started at a new school the very next day. Everyone liked me and wanted to be my friend. Until the first weekend had passed when students from my new school spoke to students from my old school and learned that I was "the milk girl" and was not to be allowed to have many friends. I still struggle with feeling like that bitterly disappointed little girl...

When I was twelve I was walking across the oval with my friends and they were talking about periods. I had not the faintest idea what they were talking about so I tuned out and stared at Paul Newman's perfect sandy hair. (Pathetic, right?) They suddenly asked me if I had my period. I was unsure if "having a period" was a good thing or a bad thing but I decided lying would do me no favours. "No...?" I replied. "Sam, do you even know what periods are?" they asked, shocked by my ignorance. They proceeded to tell me tales of bleeding and cramps and medieval contraptions that somehow prevented you from bleeding to death or something. When all was said and done, it was all I could do to stammer, "but that might happen, right? I mean, it might not happen to me at all!" Turned out my friends were right. But by the time it finally did happen at very nearly sixteen, I had convinced myself that I was the Golden Child of periods, the Chosen One, destined to never suffer menstrual cramps. I was wrong.

When I was thirteen I had my first kiss. It was with Josh Barton. He'd asked me out at the swimming carnival. I think. I have a "love letter" where he proclaimed that I looked hot in a "bakinie". We dated for a few weeks and on the last day before Easter break, we met at the pre-appointed place, behind the science block. He then murmured those now immortal words "Should I have my plate in or out?" Afterwards, I ran screaming and shuddering to the bus to tell Bobby all about it! "It was like having living jelly covered in sand inside my mouth!" was the way I so eloquently described the passionate art of French kissing. It was foul. And he'd just eaten cheap Easter chocolate, which I despise. On the first day back from holidays, he gave me a dolphin necklace and a letter. I joked to Bobby that the letter was probably breaking up with me. It was. He was sick of being teased about dating the milk girl. Few guys ever dared to pay attention to me after that.


That's the first half of my life (years one through thirteen). I'll follow this up with the second half of my life  (years fourteen through twenty-six) soon.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Questions:
  • What are the big things you remember about your life?
  • Do you have your own blog? Why not play 'When I was...'

Friday, 4 May 2012

I was a hipster before it was cool to deny you are a hipster...

I am not a hipster. I'm not! I don't think. Maybe. I hope. I don't even know anymore.

I read an article a while back that I can't find anymore that was a tongue in cheek How To guide for being a hipster. I clicked the link expecting to giggle at the idiot hipsters. Instead, I found myself going "Wait! I collect vinyl. I have done for over six years now." And I wore skinny jeans before anyone else! I remember my friend laughing at me saying "only you would wear those horrible jeans from the 80s." This was in 2005. My ex's parents disliked me purely based on the opinion that "Samantha dresses weird". I always have. Suspenders? Band tees? Play suits? Staples of my wardrobe. Three years ago I scoured the shops for a pair of brogues. But I'm not actually a hipster, am I?

Allow me to dissect the following article about how to be a hipster.
The first part regards appearance. (I had linked to credit this article but my readers complained that it prevented my site from opening do to malicious something or other... sorry!)

"There's an art to finding acceptable Hipster clothing. The local thrift store will be just fine for all of your needs."
I have always shopped at op shops. I'm talking since I was little, little. Both Mum and Dad would take me to Lifeline and St Vinnies to paw over the dusty, used, but one of a kind delights. When my grandmother started volunteering in St Vinnies, she would bring hordes of stuff home for me to pick out the best stuff from. I loved it. I still do.

"First, are you wearing pants that are loose? If so, this needs to change.  Dig through the stale-smelling clothes and find some trousers. Then put them back on the rack and find some three sizes smaller."
For the last six years I've pretty much only worn skinny jeans. I bought my first pair from the bargain rack at Jay Jays for $10 because nobody in their right mind wanted them. Except me.

"A good choice for a shirt would be something subtle, but ironic, such as a Ninja Turtles t-shirt circa 1995, or perhaps a Pokemon shirt. (Don't make it too obscure though. Pikachu will be just fine.)"
Did I come back from England in 2006 sporting the most amazing Rainbow Brite shirt? Did I wear it everywhere and have infinite number of people say "OMG, I love Rainbow Brite. Where on Earth did you get such a cool shirt?" Yes. Yes I did.

"Lace tights with shorts? HELLO."
September 2006. And I made that necklace myself...
"Retro glasses are especially hipster. Even if you don't need glasses, it's still good to own a pair of these. They'll overwhelm your face AND everybody around you! In a good way!"
I begged my dad for glasses. My vision is perfect. I have the vision of a fighter pilot or a F1 driver. I asked an optometrist years ago if it was possible to get glasses with out any vision enhancing qualities. He was very confused but told me, yes, it was possible. Unfortunately Dad couldn't afford to indulge little 10 year old hipster Samantha. So I bought myself a pair when I was in England in 2010 - before you could buy them in Australia.

"This thing is called a romper. Romper=HOT. You can even cinch a belt around your romper if you want. ROMPER. ROMPER ROMPER ROMPER."
Numerous people can attest to my love of playsuits. I bought my first one in 2005.

I may meet these criteria, but am I actually a hipster? Ok, here's my latest favourite outfit.

1. Vintage Pink Floyd band tee
2. Tartan school skirt from a school I never attended
3. Stockings with built in suspenders
that are just starting to become cool
4. Union Jack leather bag I bought in 2003
5. Military heeled boots
Ok so I've established I unintentionally ooze a hipster vibe with my appearance. God damn it... but what about the rest of my life? You know, my interests?


"Being a Hipster isn't easy. The careless look and seemingly easy attitude takes hours to perfect, if not days. If you want to be a true hipster there are a variety of interests you need to have. While I can't cover all of them in this brief chapter, here are some basics for you to study."

Ok, let's hear them then...

"Hipsters have a very specific taste in music. Hipsters mainly listen to indie music, but also the classics. Listen to stuff like the Beatles, (damn it...) the Rolling Stones (What?!), and other '60s and '70s bands (You mean like Dr. Hook, Meat Loaf and Pink Floyd?... oh...). Listen to a lot of '90s music too, like Sonic Youth, Nirvana, Mudhoney, etc. (And Marcy Playground? Oh, you probably haven't heard of them, other than that one song... Damn!)"
Perhaps I would have more of a chance at arguing against this point if I wasn't currently listening to The Beatles singing in German - Sie Liebt Dich. You've probably never heard this version...

"When it comes to films there are several that make Hipsters drool.  Here is a short list of some important Hipster movies to watch and learn from.  
Donnie Darko - Every Hipster goes through an angst-y Donnie Darko phase at some point or another. Now it's your turn."
Donnie Darko? Yes, it's an awesome film but I first liked it in 2003, well before it was cool! ... God damn it!

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Because of this movie, Hipsters like the name Clementine. Also they like dying their hair pink and blue."
I may or may not like that movie. There's no proof. But in my defence, I like anything with Jim Carrey in it! And I planned to dye my hair pink when I go to England long before reading this! I've just been gainfully employed and unable to do wild things with my hair!

"DOCUMENTARIES. Hipsters love documentaries as well. It makes them feel aware.
Oh come on!! Who wrote this?! I've always loved watching documentaries! I even watched 'The Crocodile Hunter" before people even knew who Steve Irwin was! ... Oh, I just keep doing that!!
Well if I am a hispter, so is Simon! We watch documentaries together all the time! It's kind of our thing!

"Become a photographer / graphic designer / artist / writer / blogger."
I... but... trick question! I'm writing about how I'm not a hipster on my blog. That's not fair! My blog about how I'm trying to be a writer... Ugh!!!

"Hipsters don't need art school. Because they already have a keen eye for what looks acceptable and what doesn't, they make natural freelance photographers / designers / artists / writers / and bloggers."
I may have dropped out of my writers course at uni because I felt I knew it all and didn't need a degree to make it as a great writer... but that doesn't prove anything!!

But I have other interests too!

2006: I liked scrapbooking before it was cool.
And I fell in love with Tim Burton when I was 11!
2011: I didn't get into sewing because hipsters do it,
I genuinely want to make my own quilt!
2006: I liked The Nightmare Before Christmas before it was cool!
And have always loved the 80s!
2007: I've collected records since way before it was cool!
I was telling Dad about the hipster article but had to be sure he knew what a hipster was. The conversation went a little something like this.
Me: Oh I was reading this article the other day about how to be a hipster. Wait, do you know what a hipster is?

Dad: No

Me: Ok, it's like... they like things before they were cool. Like, they listen to music that nobody else does, they dress weird and stuff.
Dad: Oh ok. So like you?
And another ex's friends decided upon first meeting me that I was a hipster and I would say something and they would laugh and say "You're such a hipster, Samantha!" I was indignant, insisting that I was not.

I think, as is typically the way in life, that The Simpsons sum it up best.

Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart + Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool, not caring, right?
Bart + Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?
Samantha Mawdsley

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Who is Samantha Mawdsley?


I am the girl who loves so deeply she has panic attacks about losing people.
I am the girl who cries listening to both ‘Perfect People’ - Pennywise & ‘What a Wonderful World’ - Louis Armstrong.
I am the girl who owns nearly every Tim Burton movie ever made.
I am the girl who was taken to a llama farm as a surprise 18th birthday present.
I am the girl who is Miss Leyburn 2007.
I am the girl who sleeps with a large hunting knife hanging on her bedpost and knows how to use it.
I am the girls whose favourite Christmas CD is by Hi-5.
I am the girl who still believes she’d be happier if she got that walking dinosaur in grade 6.
I am the girl who has two trophies to prove how smart she is.
I am the girl who swore at age 16 she’d write for The Courier-Mail, did so at 21 and had a book deal two years later.
I am the girl who drove around Mount Panorama at Bathurst on her Learners.
I am the girl who has never smoked a cigarette or tried drugs.
I am the girl who has 717 Twitter followers and has tweeted 40,176 times.
I am the girl who has been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I am the girl who pretended to flash her boobs in a grade 11 film project that is still shown at her school.
I am the girl who once had second and third degree burns on her butt and her hand. But not at the same time.
I am the girl who is going to be the Anna Kournikova of golf.
I am the girl who wanted to be a palaeontologist and a marine biologist but hates studying science.
I am the girl who will do almost anything to prove she’s not scared.
I am the girl was was the voice of IKEA Queensland.
I am the girl who was the 'after' photo on the front of a magazine.
I am the girl who is allergic to being touched.
I am the girl who handed in English assignments typed up on a typewriter. In 2002.
I am the girl who tried to grow a peach tree in my backyard.
I am the girl whose first crush was Jim Carrey.
I am the girl who has seen more football matches than girly movies.
I am the girl who will one day know “The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe off by heart.
I am the girl who collects snow globes from places she has been.
I am the girl who had the courage and strength to beat a dependancy on anti-depressants.
I am the girl who has been kissed by a dolphin and Michael Buble.
I am the girl who owns over 350 LP vinyl records.
I am the girl who believes in love and magic.
I am the girl who is going to be a star of the literary world.
I am Samantha Mawdsley.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Who are you?