Making time to be bored

Note: I am still working on Part 2 of 'Disneyland & this semi-charmed kind of life...'

When was the last time you were bored? I mean mind-numbingly, kick-the-dirt, nothing-to-do bored?

I am so bored right now...

I can't exactly remember my last time, but I know it was in 2009. This is because I got my first iPhone in August of 2009 and I haven't truly been bored since. With constant internet access, there is always something to do - even if it is just refreshing my Twitter timeline. "Bored" has now taken on a new meaning. I will do something pointless just to avoid feeling bored - even though the "something pointless" is boring! I just feel better that I am doing any menial task. In fact, I clearly remember waiting in line at Subway sometime in 2010 and thinking to myself that I needed to follow more people on Twitter because my timeline wasn't updating quick enough. I also once spent late nights trawling through interesting hashtags to find cool people in England or America to follow so that they would be tweeting while the rest of my Australian Twitter feed was sleeping and my timeline got slow. I not only actively avoided being bored, I took precautions to ensure I would not be bored in the future.

Lately, I've decided that I need to stop being entertained 24/7. I just don't need it. Instead of seeking entertainment, I think. Remember thinking? Just letting your thoughts run? Sometimes I word text messages to people that I will never send. Sometimes I sing lyrics. Sometimes I replay conversations. Sometimes I ponder my life.

Yes, it is often boring and being bored is not something people normally actively seek. That is the point. But it can also be liberating. Do you know how many times I have had epiphanies while bored? The time spent thinking when you're bored is different to that time just before you fall asleep. Your mind is clearer, your inner voice a lot more audible and your logic a little more attuned. It is when I am bored that I come to conclusions such as, "In all actuality, he didn't text me once between when he asked me on a date and when he texted on the day to confirm. But I never doubted how much he liked me back then. Nothing has changed. He just doesn't text that much." This was a nagging thought that had bothered me for days and in a moment of being utterly bored, the answer suddenly came to me. It has [sadly] reduced my stress levels!

In a life where we are so connected, I have decided that there are moments when I can just turn off and de-stress. I plan to take advantage of this. Relish it, even. Of course, it is a sign of the times that this doesn't ever mean being uncontactable. For me, that would be counter-productive as I would stress more - imagining crazy, elaborate emergency scenarios in which lives would be lost because I didn't answer a call or read a text message. My phone even sits on the sink while I shower. But I am going to continue to withdraw myself from constant entertainment, and this is how.

* I used to have a TV & DVD player in my bathroom. I would watch episodes of Buffy in the bath. Before that, I would always read a book in the bath. Even in a shower, I would play music and dance. It's fun, but you miss out on being bored. So I am now having showers and baths sans-music or without placing my laptop on the floor.

* When I walk somewhere, I am no longer taking my iPod as a default. It is reserved for long periods only. The 45 minute journey to meet my friend on the other side of London meets my requirements. My 15 minute walk to work does not. Instead, I walk and let the sounds of traffic and birds blend into a melodic hum - the soundtrack of life. Real life. While music may not be as much of a boredom-killer as screwing around on an iPhone, it can detract from thoughts. "Should I look for a new job? What do I want out of life? Maybe I could... Oh my God! I love this song! This is my jam!"

* When I am waiting for something like an appointment or a friend, I try not to check my iPhone constantly anymore. With Twitter and Facebook in my pocket, I can always find someone online to talk to - something else to think about - a news story or blog post to read. But I don't need to. At least, I shouldn't need to. Today, my friend was running late. Having my iPhone allowed me to get the text message telling me as much and that was great. So I sat in a coffee shop to wait. But after sending two or three tweets and posting a redundant picture to Instagram (nobody cares what my hot chocolate and piece of carrot cake looked like!), I decided to just sit. I put my phone on the table in front of me and I just stared vacantly out of the window. Thinking. I thought about the last time my friend and I hung out. I thought about what we would do today. I thought about some things I hadn't told him and would bring up in conversation through the day. And when he did arrive, I was in such a good mood and so happy to see him. All because I was bored.

I am ok just to sit and do nothing...

With all these life / mindset changing epiphanies and mood enhancements, I am actually starting to rather enjoy being bored. Perhaps you should give it a try next time you reach for your smart phone just because you're "bored".

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Questions:

• When was the last time you were truly bored?
• What do you do to actively alleviate boredom?

Egosurfing: How public is your private life?

We've all been guilty of egosurfing, right? You know, jumping onto Google, typing in your own name and seeing what comes up? If you have a common name, you probably see lots of web pages related to your most famous namesake. When I do this, it comes up with a list of 10 webpages - only two of which are not mine. I guess that makes me the most famous "Samantha Mawdsley". Hell, even most of the Google images are of me or photos from my blog, so I must be doing something right!

Egosurfing: Samantha Mawdsley

Egosurfing has all sorts of benefits. You can manage your online presence and make sure you are perceived as you want to be and it chews up a few minutes when you're really bored. It's also how I found the other "Samantha Mawdsley" who I will be meeting at the end of the year. But the other night, this happened.

I was driving home from football training and as a car overtook me, I lazily looked over. A guy was looking at me, quite intently. As I glanced over, he smiled. He was about my age and pretty cute too. As he continued on past me I suddenly wondered if he could find me if he wanted to.

I have had a guy I chatted to briefly in a bar, and who knew very little about me, find me on Facebook. He only knew me as "Samantha" but still, there was his creepy, uncalled for friend request staring at me the next morning. It has the potential to be quite disconcerting. I may have innocuously mentioned some unique details about myself or even what I do as my 9-5 seeing as that is a pretty unique job. But could a perfect stranger who smiled at me from a passing car track me down just from that simple exchange?

From what this young man saw, he knew (or could very easily guess) my name seeing as my personalised number plates have 'SAM' on them. I have a Liverpool scarf as well as a 'Princess on Board' sign in my rear window. Chances are I lived in that city as it was late on a Thursday night so I was hardly on a road trip to another state. So when I got home, I googled the information he had about me.

Google: Sam + Liverpool + Princess + my home city = my LinkedIn profile with links to my blog, Twitter and Facebook. That is the #1 search result.

So yes. Yes, a perfect stranger could track me down just from that simple exchange. From this point, it wouldn't take much more of a computer hacker to come up with much more personal details. My only consolation is that searching that combination without my home city doesn't lead to me at all. Leaving out 'Princess' also affords me a little bit more privacy (which I find hilarious!) So the stranger would have to think a little bit in order to track me down but they could, theoretically, do it.

And if you are that cute guy from the car last Thursday... Here's a message just for you!

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Questions:

• Have you ever tracked someone down using only small bits of information?
• Has someone ever tracked you down?

How to sleep like a princess

Forget shoving a pea under your mattress. I'm going to teach you how a princess really sleeps. Follow my handy step by step guide and you too can wake up looking like this!

As soon as you get home from work, sit in front of the TV with your laptop on your lap for no discernible reason other than to look down at Twitter every now and again. This also provides a good cover to avoid conversations you don't want to have. "Sorry, I was reading a really important article on a topic relevant to my professional field of interest. What inane crap were you prattling on about?" This is more effective when the person is not standing behind you looking suspiciously at the LOLcat riding an invisible bike on your screen.

10.48pm Finally have a shower. Dance around under the water because your body has now decided it has energy.

11.06pm Emerge from the shower & make it as far as the couch.

11.19pm Realise you are cold. Cue the further realisation that you are sitting on the couch in your wet towel chatting happily to Twitter. Get your dinosaur PJs on.

11.24pm Sit back on the couch with your laptop on your lap.

11.29pm Decide you should go to bed if you have any chance of waking up at a decent hour.

11.30pm Realise the next show on Fox8 is your favourite ever episode of Family Guy. (It always is.) Don't actually watch, just sit in front of the TV tweeting.

11.59pm Tell Twitter you are going to bed.

12.02am Put your wheat pack in the microwave for four minutes. Princesses don't have time for such trivial things as creating their own body heat. Tweet.

12.03am Look at the microwave. Still three minutes to go. Tweet.

12.04am Assume three minutes has now passed. Get impatient. Tweet.

12.05am Get bored and go sit back down on the couch to wait.

12.17am Remember your wheat pack. Find it's not that hot anymore. Put it on for another two minutes. Tweet.

12.19am Put the wheat pack under the covers as you set up the 1951 version of Alice in Wonderland on your Xbox to watch while you fall asleep.

12.20am Crawl into bed and wrap yourself around a wheat pack the size of a computer mouse. Curse every decision you ever made that lead to you sleeping alone. Tweet about it.

12.22am Check Twitter. Join in to a conversation about what the modern day equivalent of a mix tape is.

12.24am Get engrossed in Twitter-flirting with the hot guy from overseas.

12.37am Realise you aren't even watching Alice in Wonderland. Tell Twitter this time you really are going to sleep.

12.38am Turn on the sleep app that is actually a finely tuned, custom made track  - a blend of a river, rain, birds, a music box, underwater sounds, something called Duduk and something called Toskana. Dock your iPhone and set the volume for 20.

12.39am Grab Puppy, the stuffed dog you've had since you were three, from under your bedside table and curl up under your quilt. Shiver.

12.46am Suddenly realise that not only are you not asleep, you're somehow on your iPad which was beside you in bed and are now looking at Twitter.

12.47am Assume the correct princess sleeping position. This is difficult to master but if you are a true princess, you will not be able to sleep any other way. For this you need two pillows. Lift the top pillow and lie on the bottom pillow. Curl up on your side. Let the top pillow rest on top of your head to create a gentle weight on your ears. Pull the corner of the top pillow case around your head, covering your eyes like a Zorro mask, but leaving your nose free to breathe. Tuck this pillow case corner under your head to keep the pillow in place. Tuck Puppy under your arm and then pull the quilt right up under your chin. If done correctly, this is what you will look like.

1.01am Look at the clock. Flip over and assume the princess sleeping position but facing the other way.

1.15am Look at the clock. Flip over and assume the princess sleeping position but facing the other way.

1.33am Look at the clock. Flip over and assume the princess sleeping position but facing the other way.

...

...

Awake to the sound of "Shine on you crazy diamond" - Pink Floyd. Realise this is your ringtone, not your alarm tone, which is "Nothing at all" - Rob Dougan. Throw the pillow off your head. Look at the phone. It's your boss. Look at the time. It's 9.42am. You're already 42 mins late for work because you forgot to set an alarm. Again. Panic.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Questions

• Do you have any bedtime rituals?

Google: Did you mean...?

There's a really great tool deep in the heart of Blogger that enables me to see how random people have come to stumble on my blog through search words. I mean, it tells me exactly what words they typed into the search engine in order to find my website. It's very cool and it really helps to learn what topics of mine are engaging a wider audience. But sometimes, it just confuses me.

To try and illustrate these search terms, I've included the very first photo that comes up when I search these terms myself. I hope you find them more helpful than I did.

"boy in a dress party": I would not say I am an expert in the field of boys in dresses at a party. My only experience is one Friday night when some friends were really bored and I was really accommodating, they dressed me as a drag queen, so for an hour or so I was a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl.

"scratched cornea" & "swollen knuckle": These two search terms are always rating amongst my highest traffic magnets. In fact, 'scratched cornea' is my single highest traffic raiser. Anyone would think I am an expert on obscure injuries or something.

"tool girls": I'm not sure what a tool girl is. Any guesses? Or is this something that is NSFW (which, for the uninitiated, means 'New South F#$@ing Wales'. (Actually, no it doesn't. I learned what it really means when I misread the words 'spent the day fisting' as 'spent the day fishing' and opened the accompanying photo.)

"anti+twitter": Yes, I was traumatised by that NSFW tweet but I wasn't exactly anti-Twitter, just anti-that-porn-star-that-was-funny-to-follow-until-he-scarred-me-for-life.

"hipster zombie before it was cool": While I'm not 100% sure, I think it's safe to say that before a hipster zombie was cool, it was just an elitist prat of a zombie who ate only the brains of vegans. But that's just a guess.

"justin bieber circumcised or uncircumcised": If I thought I was scarred after the 'fisting' tweet, I was naive. This search term has actually kind of traumatised me. I was in love with Josh Hartnett as much as a 15 year old girl can be. But I had ONE photo (out of the 100+) on my wall of him without a shirt on. It was from Black Hawk Down and he's in fatigue pants and dog tags, and a bit war-torn & dirty. But I never, in my young adolescent fantasties gave a second thought to his penis. He was like a Ken doll to me when I was 15. Hell, even now (when my sadly misguided affections have moved on to Topher Grace) do I have any thoughts of penises. Is that just me?

"raptor penis": If there's one consolation in the Justin Bieber horror story, it's that only one person found my blog searching that term. Thankfully the internet does not deem me an expert in the field. However, multiple people stumbled on my blog searching for more information on raptor penises. I can not fathom what information they were searching for but I sure hope they didn't find it here!

And lastly, an honourable mention must go to the following...

"what is that raptor sound in my backyard": This made me laugh & I hope this reader got a giggle out of my blog post about this very same subject. It's one of my favourites. (And the second photo in Google Images was the movie poster I made for this blog post.)

Miss SAMawdsley xx

PS: I have the lovely Miss Wanderlust to thank for this blog idea. She was the first person I saw do it and I give her all credit!

Questions:

• Can you explain any of these search terms?
• If you have a blog, what are some bizarre search terms that provide you traffic?
• What are some seriously weird things you've had to google? And why?

Why I love Twitter but tolerate Facebook

Hello. My name is Samantha and I am a Twitter addict.

Well then you have no soul!!

Do you realise there are 582 people in the world who are hanging on to my every word, wondering what I will tweet next? At least, I like to believe there is. And who am I to deny the public what it wants. Supply and demand, people! And I've supplied the Twittersphere with 26,742 little drops of wisdom and humour. Ok, and a few photos of food I am about to eat. But those 582 people aren't under any sort of obligation to follow me. They choose to. If my posts take a direction they don't like or they finally get sick of me live-Tweeting Liverpool matches, they can (and do) unfollow me. Que Sera, Sera.

I have made new real life friends from Twitter (have even been asked on dates) and scored lots of cool free stuff - over $100 worth of Diva jewellery, anyone? Two nights accommodation in Melbourne thanks to WotIf? Yeah! I have been the first to know about breaking news and in turn, broken the news to my Facebook friends. I have witnessed scandal and suspicion and interacted directly with some of my favourite people in the world.

I have an iPhone. People always joke that I'm addicted to my iPhone but that's simply not true. Take my Echofon app off it & it would be much like my old Nokia 3315. It makes phone calls & receives text messages. But with Twitter, it's like carrying around your friends in your pocket. Waiting for a dentist appointment? Tweet about it & be entertained with a joke. Feeling sad? Tweet about it & let your friends cheer you up. Need advice? Ask Twitter if they can help with your problem. Don't know what to have for lunch? Do a quick Twitter poll. Don't want to watch a TV show alone? Search for the show's hashtag and join the conversation. Don't know something and need it explained in layman's terms? Tweet it with the hashtag #LazyWeb. Lost your dog? Tweet a photo and details and watch as your search for your dog becomes a trending topic as hundreds of strangers are on the lookout. Interested in the Titanic? Watch as @TitanicRealTime live tweets the whole event as it happened 100 years ago.

Basically my main argument for why any anti-Twitter sentiment is wrong is pretty much this. Twitter is only as awesome as the people you follow. I follow 378 carefully selected Twitter accounts. Some of them are celebrities, some are football related, some are humorous accounts, some are people I know in real life, some are just random citizens of this planet. I've been on Twitter for three years now. In three years, that's all I've accumulated - 378 accounts to follow. I've followed and then unfollowed some accounts but that's what happens on Twitter. It's no big deal like on Facebook. Facebook has this weird social obligation to be "friends" with someone who was in that Maths B class you took for a month before the school realised you weren't smart enough for algebra and you now have to put up with every single damn post about their toddler. On Twitter, those rules aren't as set in stone. With most people, you can just unfollow them. I've ignored friend requests from people who bullied me in high school. Why in the name of Kuzco the talking llama would they think I want to be "friends" with them?

Now if anything I've said about Facebook has left you confused or worse, you actually thought 'Luckily every one of my Facebook friends hangs on my every status update regarding the cute things about little Tilloffonee' (or whatever you named your spawn), then we probably won't be Twitter friends. Or you might follow me, but I probably won't follow you back. Twitter is all about MY interests and I'm sorry but I don't care what Tilloffonee did next. I liked your status when you announced you you were pregnant and again when you HAD the baby. That's it. I'm done. I don't like children all that much but I was happy for you! I would have looked at the first photo of your newborn and probably liked it, but from there on out, you became dead to me. I glaze over when you start posting about Tilloffonee and probably only get broken out of my stupor by some hilarious @ mention someone has posted on Twitter.

But notice I said I 'liked' your posts? Chances are I didn't comment because I don't want to be notified every time someone else posts the exact same damn post. "Congrats!", "OMG Congrats!" or the ever thrilling "Congrats x". I don't care. Besides, my post would have just been the same as that anyway. I recognise this.  If someone on Twitter gets a particularly entertaining response to the announcement, they will retweet it. Then I will read it. But on Twitter, I don't have to see any conversations between two people unless I choose to follow both of them. And when those conversations get annoying, I have been known to choose my favourite of the two and unfollow the other. Problem solved. Twitter is my world and it is my prerogative to mould it exactly how I want it to appear.

Nobody follows the exact same 378 accounts I do. If a Twit just wants their feed to be filled with musicians, then that's what they do. They may be followed by sports fanatics, new mums and porn stars but they don't have to care about that. It's their Twitter feed that becomes their own personal Twittersphere. How many followers you have is irrelevant (until the @ mentions start, then Twitter can get really awesome!) But people reading this may be bored to tears with my Twitter feed. In fact, here is my Twitter feed as it appears right now. Not that interesting, right?

{Click to enlarge}

But I don't care what you think, because I find it interesting. I may be bored to tears by other's Twitter feeds. So what?

You see, Twitter is like free speech and who doesn't love free speech? Communists, that's who! And you don't want to be known as a Communist, do you?

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Questions

• Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter? Why?
• Have you ever tried Twitter? What happened?
• Should I be following you on Twitter? Plead your case! :P
• Why aren't you following @SAMawdsley and @Princess_Sassy?

Notice I don't own Facebook merch.?

#IDidNotReport

~ Samantha Mawdsley, 2008

Hot breath leers at my neck

I blink my eyes

The darkness is thick from my slumber

I should be safe in my bed

Am I still asleep?

Am I dreaming?

His eyes swim in the darkness

they drink me in

In the moment I see that hungry look

too many unwanted touches…

I am remembering

I am repulsed

I don’t understand

why this man is standing over me

And yet my innocence knows

exactly what brought him here

But he is family

You trust family

His own family, his stepdaughter

lies sleeping beside me

All I can think is please not her

don’t let her see

or understand

or sympathise…

He tells me he couldn’t sleep

He needs me

I watch his face contort and relax

He asks me to kiss him

I repress

I forget

I don’t want to remember that Christmas…

I used to have nightmares when I was a child

And there was a monster

I woke up…

I lived a nightmare when I was seventeen

I woke up

And there was a monster

I copied and pasted that from my DeviantArt account. I don't want to reread it. I don't want to go back to that place. But that is the starting point for my story.

Today on Twitter I came across a hashtag, #IDidNotReport & people were detailing why they did not report being the victim of sexual violence or abuse. It began because of a poor attitude to rape. A player on a team might say "Man, we raped the opposition Friday night." This is casual. So when a girl is actually raped on Saturday night, no big deal. I know this is a very extreme view, but forgive, I was knocked unconscious in a football game last night & thinking too much hurts my head.

Many people believe sexual assault or violence is not that common. Because according to the statistics, it's not. But what #IDidNotReport actually shows is just how often victims do not report the crimes against them. I don't think I have an IRL girlfriend who does not have their own #IDidNotReport story.

@A_hectic_bloke #ididnotreport because he was ~respected~ in the ~scene~ and I didn't want to lose friends. Or upset his fiancée.

@Stubbornella #ididnotreport because I was too little to know I had any right to my own body... to say no.

@elmyra #ididnotreport the guy who groped me on the train home, aged 14. Thought I had to deal with it by myself.

@TheFatGirlGuide #ididnotreport because ppl think because you're plus size, you should take what you get.

@Princess_Sassy #IDidNotReport but told my family what my "uncle" tried to do. Nobody in the family talks to me anymore even though every girl said 'me too'

You get the idea. And yes, the last one is me. So why didn't I report it? I'm comfortable enough in myself to talk about many things - my mental illnesses, my experience with domestic violence, my phobias & I'm even brave enough to post near naked photos in the interests of loving your body. Well I did tell somebody. I told my mum. The "uncle" & his family wouldn't have been at the end of our street before I was running into my mum, calm tears pouring down my cheeks, telling her what happened. This was two days after the event. I was eighteen. They were staying with us for Christmas.

Why didn't I run straight into my mum's bedroom after it happened? Better yet, why didn't I scream when he tried? I didn't want to wake my cousin, his stepdaughter, who was asleep beside me. I didn't want to cause a giant fight with my uncles and aunty's, cousins and my grandmother. I waited until everybody left - two whole days of playing happy families - before I admitted what happened. I thought of everyone but myself.

I have two female cousins on that side of my family. One of them admitted straight away he had tried it with her too. The other, his stepdaughter, kept quiet for a few weeks. Then one day when her mum dropped her off at school, she turned around and ran back to the car. Wordlessly she shoved a note at her before running away. She was also a victim but she had to live with him.

My brother wasn't told. I just asked my father if I told him or not. Apparently my brother told him - many years later when he found out. Mum said she would handle it. That involved not telling my brother or father because truth be told, they very well may have killed him. I just apologised to my father for not telling him.

I don't talk to that side of the family. I was asked to please be civil and go to my real uncle's birthday party even though he would be there. They tried to coax me, admitting it was a surprise wedding. I still refused. So my "uncle" went. I did not. I cannot keep the peace, I just can't. I demand to be treated with more respect than that and they didn't like it. I am a pleasant and amicable person but people do not like those rare days when I grow a back bone.

I have cousins and young friends who may be reading this. And I hope they are. I want them to know my advice - talk to me. Talk to someone. Do NOT suffer in silence. Do NOT put yourself through anything to protect somebody who would hurt you. There is NO reason you should feel you should be silenced. Talk about it. And do NOT, and I can't stress this enough, DO NOT be ashamed.

MY UNCLE TRIED TO MOLEST ME!!!!!

But sadly, and as much as I wish I had, #IDidNotReport

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Tarot readings for my fans!

Here are the requested Tarot readings from my last post. I will add to them as I complete them. The newest will be posted at the top. Please check back regularly if you have posted anonymously. Feel free to comment & tell me just how wrong I am! :) And if you want me to read your Tarot, just check out this post and comment: Free Tarot readings!

Miss SAMawdsley xx

PS: Please remember, I do not claim to be a real psychic or anything. This is for fun and you should take everything I have written (borne entirely from what I can see in the cards) with a grain of salt!

~ For Lori_RRSAHM (11/12/11) ~

I've never wanted to rig a reading more than when I was about to read for Lori, but I just don't have that sort of dishonesty in me (even the white lie that may make somebody smile.) So, here goes...

Looking at these cards, it looks to me like you are stretching yourself so thin looking after everyone but yourself - but you're doing a damn fine job!

The Sun: This first card is the card that represents you. And you are The Sun. You are optimistic, you are positive. Brightness and happiness shines down on all your affairs.

The Man: How interesting that you should ask about love and the man should fall immediately after you. This means there is a man. There is definitely a man. And because The Mountain is beside him, he is a foreigner. I'm sure he speaks English, but he is not from Australia - he was born overseas.

The Mountain: Something big, solid and dependable is coming. Think of The Mountain as a rock. Everyone needs a rock and this man will be / is yours. The Mountain next to The Rider suggests it is time for a short holiday.

The Rider: The Rider is often about news but since the reading is clearly about a man it indicates that this man is a gentleman. He comes riding in on his steed, not to deliver a message but as a "knight in shining armour" as such.

The Whip: The Whip indicates troubles. Not everything is smooth sailing. The cards that surround The Whip indicate where the trouble will lie and unfortunately, it will be with your children. One of the cards that can lesson the impact of these troubles is The Sun. You. So you will have control of this situation. Perhaps your children (I hate knowing things about the subject, but I do know you) will not be as initially accepting of this gentleman as you are. but that is OK. Your happiness and calming influence will settle this.

The Child: Miss Lori, in a reading about your love life, I am not in the least bit surprised that your children should pop up. As the story is unfolding in the cards, there will be difficulties, but The Flowers are the last card. And The Flowers falling beside The Child promises a happy event. So although there may be struggles, in the end, it will all come up roses!

The Flowers: I am going to quote my little reference book verbatim, because I can not think of a better way to sum up what this card means, especially as the final card. And it makes my heart beat so big to read it. "This is a lovely card. Anywhere the flowers fall, you are being looked after. The overall meaning of this card is happiness. It may refer to an improvement after a long period of unhappiness or to the return of someone who will bring you happiness again. In either case, the flowers are very encouraging."

And because of The Child and The Flowers, I need to tell you to give your daughter an extra special hug and kiss.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

~ For Tracks4050 (11/12/11) ~

First impression is what a happy and blessed life you have! :)

The Clover: What a super bright and happy way to start a reading. The first cards tends to represent you. And first off the bat, the advice is breathe. Stop worrying, stop stressing and chill out. Everything is fine! Seriously!

The Lily: I would tell you your work is fine and not to stress but I don't feel that is it. The Lily with The Rider suggests it may be your health that is more worrying to you.

The Rider: There is news coming and because it falls next to The Lily, it is positive and your health will improve.

The Star: Another bright, shiny, sparkly and happy card. My, my. Things are going to go well for you! Something of a wish is at hand and some good luck is coming your way. The only clearer indicator would have been The Star falling right after The Clover! Expect happiness!

The Mouse: This is normally not a positive card. It means trials and dishonesty on the part of someone close to you. Very few cards can override the negative implications however, luckily for you, The Star is one of them. There may be trials and negativity in the background but don't let it affect you.

The Garden: Some positive gatherings will be happening soon. It may be as trivial as a fantastic Christmas to be had, but people will gather and it will be great. I'm inclined to suggest this is where the niggling person may appear but you really needn't worry your pretty little head about all that.

The Fish: The fish is a goldfish. Why? Because gold is coming! Because it lies beside The Garden, chances are it is somehow related to work. If there is no possibility of a promotion or a bonus coming your way, if I were you, I would buy a lottery ticket or a scratchie while at work. Is there a Christmas raffle? Chances are you'll win it!

If I could make these predictions come true for you, I would. My goodness, some positivity and happiness seems to be coming your way! It seems you will come through any tough times with a radiant smile on your face! I hope I'm right!

Miss SAMawdsley xx

~ For Robert Kerr (11/12/11) ~

My first impression is of a lot of destiny. I also feel that you believe your future lies in the hands of other people. I'm not sure this is true.

The Man: This is you. That is all. it simply means that this is your journey and this is all about you.

The Cross: This is the card of destiny. It is neither a positive or negative card, it simply says that what follows in the reading must happen.

The Road: This is a card of change. A new job has just begun and as per The Cross, it is what you are meant to be doing. Because it falls beside The Rider, you are soon to undertake a journey. Regardless of the distance or time, this will be a very important journey.

The Rider: There is news that you have been waiting for and it will soon come. As this is a lucky card, the news should be positive. If it is not positive news, it promises improvement once the news has been revealed. As this is your central card, it indicates this news is pivotal. Again, The Road beside this card indicates the trip but chances are it is a small and short trip.

The Ring: This is a positive cards about relationships with someone but considering the cards surrounding it, I am not inclined to say it's a romantic relationship. But it is a deep and important bond, none-the-less.

The Fox: The Fox suggests you need some cunning on your part. Sadly, The Fox appearing next to the Ring suggests that a loved one is not being entirely honest with you. But keep your thoughts to yourself for the time being, just in case.

The Bird: Unfortunately this card rings alarm bells. The fact that the bird is in fact an owl demands wisdom on your part. However, you should note that The Bird is down the complete other end from The Man (you) so you are enduring some grief and uncertainties. The Bird is also close to The Ring and this says that you are acting rather nervously and may be pushing away those you love (and who love you!)

From this reading it appears your life is rather stagnant right now however it will soon change. Some good news will come your way and as long as you can keep your cool through some currently difficult relationships, everything will turn out positively. Your destiny is unfolding...

Miss SAMawdsley xx

~ For The Recipe Binder (10/12/11) ~

My first impression is a rather unsettled life. It looks like people and problems are assaulting you from all angles. Let's look closer.

The Mouse: Someone is not being honest but they keep hanging around. They have self-serving intentions and are making your life rather difficult.

The Snake: So much dishonesty, I feel bad for you. There is somebody very two-faced who is causing you problems. Because this card is coupled with The Mouse, it warns you to be very, very careful. But all is not lost as The Sun is right there and it means that you have the wisdom to overcome this situation. The advice is to hold your tongue for a while. You know what is happening but speaking out is not wise right now. And do not reveal your plans to other people just yet. Keep your cards close to your chest.

The Sun: This is a wonderful card and confirms everything will turn out for the best - no matter how difficult it may seem right now. The Sun is shining brightly and you simply need to be patient and remain true to yourself.

The Tree: This is your central card so it is very important. It demands you sit and consider your situation carefully. You must think things through. Your cards keep getting better so you are not going to be beaten by this malicious person or situation. This card gives you strength, wisdom and  confidence in your situation.

The Coffin: This is a scary looking card, I know, but it refers to your situation. Because it is beside your central card it means your situation is going to remain stagnant for sometime. Unfortunately this will not be resolved straight away. However The Tree promises a recovery from this.

The Ship: Travel. Perhaps you should try to get away from this situation for a while. Nothing significant, just  put some distance between yourself and that person/situation.

The Dog: The Dog represents a friend or someone who is loyal to you. I think you need to get away to a friend who is a little further away than around the corner. Perhaps this will help things back home clear up. But it definitely means you have friends and family who are loyal to you and will support you, no matter what. They will be very important through all of this.

I hope you can relate to this otherwise my whole reading was a complete waste! Haha! Forget that negative person and just be the best person you can be - that is not just enough, that is perfect.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

~ For @CheeseChuckers (10/12/11) ~

First off, my initial impression is your life is rather segmented and separate. You have very different, individual parts of your life and you try to keep them that way.

The Heart: This represent love, naturally. It is well supported by The Flowers and indicates that in regards to matters of the heart, all is well, all is bright and all is happy. It should stay that way too.

The Flowers: Continuing with the happiness of The Heart, you are being looked after. Perhaps something you have longed for will finally come to fruition - this however, may be professionally, as it is next to The Lily, which indicates work.

The Lily: This is a matter of work. I wonder if perhaps you met the person you are so happy with through work? This would not surprise me... Although with The Whip so close, perhaps it indicates you are having a hard time at work. With how segmented your life is, this is more likely.

The Whip: Strife, quarrels, tension and troubles. This card does not bode well and The Lily suggests these difficulties are at work or in your work.

The Book: Relating to The Lily, is it perhaps writing you are having trouble with? Not necessarily difficulty writing a book but with The Letters, perhaps you are having trouble communicating effectively with somebody at work?

The Letters: This lets you know that some news is on the way. Unfortunately, The Mouse beside The Letters does not suggest good news. That's not to say it will be devastating news, but it might not quite be the message you were hoping to get.

The Mouse: Someone is nibbling away at you. They are being sneaky and you need to be alert. I can only assume, looking at the preceding cards, that this is somebody within your work environment.

Having analysed the whole spread, I would think the situation at work may be affecting your relationship at the moment. But don't worry, it will get better and the relationship will overcome these trials.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Who is Samantha Mawdsley?

I am the girl who loves so deeply she has panic attacks about losing people.
I am the girl who cries listening to both ‘Perfect People’ - Pennywise & ‘What a Wonderful World’ - Louis Armstrong.
I am the girl who owns nearly every Tim Burton movie ever made.
I am the girl who was taken to a llama farm as a surprise 18th birthday present.
I am the girl who is Miss Leyburn 2007.
I am the girl who sleeps with a large hunting knife hanging on her bedpost and knows how to use it.
I am the girls whose favourite Christmas CD is by Hi-5.
I am the girl who still believes she’d be happier if she got that walking dinosaur in grade 6.
I am the girl who has two trophies to prove how smart she is.
I am the girl who swore at age 16 she’d write for The Courier-Mail, did so at 21 and had a book deal two years later.
I am the girl who drove around Mount Panorama at Bathurst on her Learners.
I am the girl who has never smoked a cigarette or tried drugs.
I am the girl who has 717 Twitter followers and has tweeted 40,176 times.
I am the girl who has been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I am the girl who pretended to flash her boobs in a grade 11 film project that is still shown at her school.
I am the girl who once had second and third degree burns on her butt and her hand. But not at the same time.
I am the girl who is going to be the Anna Kournikova of golf.
I am the girl who wanted to be a palaeontologist and a marine biologist but hates studying science.
I am the girl who will do almost anything to prove she’s not scared.
I am the girl was was the voice of IKEA Queensland.
I am the girl who was the 'after' photo on the front of a magazine.
I am the girl who is allergic to being touched.
I am the girl who handed in English assignments typed up on a typewriter. In 2002.
I am the girl who tried to grow a peach tree in my backyard.
I am the girl whose first crush was Jim Carrey.
I am the girl who has seen more football matches than girly movies.
I am the girl who will one day know “The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe off by heart.
I am the girl who collects snow globes from places she has been.
I am the girl who had the courage and strength to beat a dependancy on anti-depressants.
I am the girl who has been kissed by a dolphin and Michael Buble.
I am the girl who owns over 350 LP vinyl records.
I am the girl who believes in love and magic.
I am the girl who is going to be a star of the literary world.
I am Samantha Mawdsley.

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Who are you?

Pining for pineapple! (Or 'How excited a girl can get over chocolate...')

Cadbury Snack chocolate. It's awesome because there's something for everyone.

In order of my favourites, it's got:

Cadbury Snack

Pineapple - a delicious fruity flavour with just a hint of tanginess
Turkish Delight - a sophisticated jelly like filling that's very sweet and palatable
Caramel - an old favourite from such familiar chocolates as Caramello!
Orange - a zesty and flavoursome filling with no overt citrusy flavours
Strawberry - a sweet filling. It tastes like pink!
Coconut Ice - a textured, Summery flavour with just a hint of sugary goodness.

Now of those, you'd expect at least the top three to be available as a block on their own. And you'd be right. Except for pineapple. The most delicious of all the flavours of not only Snack, but possibly the entire Cadbury range, is only available in a block surrounded by yummy, but lesser flavours ...Or at least, until recently!

Tonight, the following exchange took place in my local supermarket between my friend @Davefect and I.
Me: What block of chocolate do you want?
David: I don't know, what's your favourite?
Me: I usually get Snack just because I love the Pineapple flavour so much. I really, really wish Cadbury would make an entire block of just Pineapple. Ah well, we'll just get Snack.
*Suddenly, while looking for a second block, high on the top shelf, almost out of view I spotted the Holy Grail of chocolate. Cue emotional breakdown of happiness and much shrieking and jumping...*

FINALLY Cadbury has released a 'Limited Edition' Tropical Pineapple flavour!!!

TROPICAL PINEAPPLE!!!

Cadbury describes it as "Dairy milk chocolate wtih flowing tropical pineapple flavoured centre". I describe it as "The best part of Snack, now in it's OWN BLOCK!!!"

This is a happy, happy day for me but Cadbury doesn't seem to be advertising it! And like I said, it's a 'Limited Edition'. So it might go away. I can't cope with this. I've wanted it for too long and I'll be damned if Cadbury is going to take it away from me!! So please, I'm begging you, I need everyone here to rush out and buy many, many, many blocks of Tropical Pineapple so that Cadbury realises there's a HUGE demand for Tropical Pineapple and continues to keep it as part of their permanent range. Please!

Yes, your homework today is to go buy and eat chocolate. Lots of it.

You're welcome.

Update: Upon further research, this seems to have been already deleted from the range and sold out everywhere. The blocks are now selling for $10 on ebay (click the link, I'm not exaggerating!) There is also a Facebook campaign entitled 'Pineapple blocks should be permanent, not limited edition' (join the cause, dolls!) and pineapple-lovers are announcing locations that have stock and even asking lucky finders to mail out the goodies to remoter locations.  I'm trying to start a Twitter campaign with the hashtag #KeepCadburyPineapple (I've had a few retweets) but in the mentime, tomorrow, I am going to "my source" and buying every single block!!

Miss SAMawdsley xx

PS: I've not been paid or asked to post this blog, I just really, really, really love Cadbury's Pineapple flavour!


PPS: A big thank you to @Davefect for helping me with this blog post and dealing with my minor happy meltdown in the middle of a supermarket!

Haters gonna hate

"Honestly, I don't have time to hate people who hate me, because I'm too busy loving people who love me."

*      *      *      *      *      *      *

First of all, I am proud of my "I heart my body" post. My boyfriend is proud of my post. My best friend is proud of my post. My dad is proud of my post. Of course I don't regret it. The point was to join in with the 'I heart my body 2011' campaign and to proudly declare "This is my body! It may not be perfect but it fits me just right!" (I've included links to some other amazing bloggers who love their bodies at the end of this post!)

I've been told I received some petty bitchiness negative responses that likened my post to porn and declared the sole reason for my post to be seeking attention. I think I was also called a whore, but don't quote me. I didn't actually read it.

Well I'm flattered that a photo of me in comfy boy-shorts and a bra, sans make-up, with a simple plait and bare feet can be misconstrued as porn. I really am. Fellow-'I heart my body 2011'-bloggers, you can now add 'Porn Star' to your resume because we be sexy!

I believe I was called 'attention-seeking'. To that I say, "duh'! It's a blog! If it was a secret journal just for me, it would be my diary and it would be hidden under my pillow with a padlock keeping it safe!" The purpose of my blog is to raise my public profile! I've received 241 views on that post alone (correct at the moment of publishing.) This is from links shared on two Facebook posts and three tweets! Interestingly, less than I normally publicise a blog post.

My other thought is this. I have a BMI of 21.5 and I'm a size 10. I wonder if the comments would have been the same if I had a BMI of 31.5 and was a size 18. Perhaps I would have been applauded for my bravery rather than scorned for 'attention-seeking'?

Perhaps not. Haters gonna hate, right?

And in the immortal words of Mr Gump, "That's all I have to say about that." I only have time (and the desire) for positive things in my life!

Miss SAMawdsley xx

Some bloggers who heart their bodies:

• Sarah from People don't eat enough fudge!
• Stacey from Veggie Mama
• Lori from Random Ramblings of a Stay At Home Mum
• Kate from Kate says stuff
• Victoria from V Shhh
• Lucy from Lucy in the sky with diamonds
• Kimmie & Heartpoet from The Serendipity Cafe

Hey, look at me! I'm on the internets!

I love the internet. I have a Twitter account, a Tumblr account, a Facebook account, a Google+ account. Heck, I used to host a weekly radio show that was all about social media on the internet. So I think it's fair to say that I, Princess_Sassy, have a pretty solid internet presence. And now I'm trying to do it all over again as Miss Samantha Mawdsley, future star of the literary world. So here I am.

So far you can follow me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/SAMawdsley) or like me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/SAMawdsley) and I wish you would! But I need to document my journey better and this is where this blog comes into it, and I thank you for reading it.

Today I bought a website domain. I am the proud owner of www.SAMawdsley.com. I don't recommend visiting that website. Not just yet, anyway. There is nothing there. I am slightly technologically retarded sometimes and building a website is one of those areas I fail at. So my ever so gracious boyfriend has offered to build it for me. I'm not sure he knows what he is in for. I am a perfectionist and I have OCD. If I see the slightest thing wrong, a missed capital letter, two spaces instead of one, a misaligned photo, it will need to be changed. So I say good luck to him. Oh, and thank you. So stay tuned! Hopefully I will have some great news on the website front soon.

In the meantime, please boost my social media following and if you have any questions, shoot!

Miss SAMawdsley xx