Google: Did you mean...?

There's a really great tool deep in the heart of Blogger that enables me to see how random people have come to stumble on my blog through search words. I mean, it tells me exactly what words they typed into the search engine in order to find my website. It's very cool and it really helps to learn what topics of mine are engaging a wider audience. But sometimes, it just confuses me.

To try and illustrate these search terms, I've included the very first photo that comes up when I search these terms myself. I hope you find them more helpful than I did.

"boy in a dress party": I would not say I am an expert in the field of boys in dresses at a party. My only experience is one Friday night when some friends were really bored and I was really accommodating, they dressed me as a drag queen, so for an hour or so I was a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl.

"scratched cornea" & "swollen knuckle": These two search terms are always rating amongst my highest traffic magnets. In fact, 'scratched cornea' is my single highest traffic raiser. Anyone would think I am an expert on obscure injuries or something.

"tool girls": I'm not sure what a tool girl is. Any guesses? Or is this something that is NSFW (which, for the uninitiated, means 'New South F#$@ing Wales'. (Actually, no it doesn't. I learned what it really means when I misread the words 'spent the day fisting' as 'spent the day fishing' and opened the accompanying photo.)

"anti+twitter": Yes, I was traumatised by that NSFW tweet but I wasn't exactly anti-Twitter, just anti-that-porn-star-that-was-funny-to-follow-until-he-scarred-me-for-life.

"hipster zombie before it was cool": While I'm not 100% sure, I think it's safe to say that before a hipster zombie was cool, it was just an elitist prat of a zombie who ate only the brains of vegans. But that's just a guess.

"justin bieber circumcised or uncircumcised": If I thought I was scarred after the 'fisting' tweet, I was naive. This search term has actually kind of traumatised me. I was in love with Josh Hartnett as much as a 15 year old girl can be. But I had ONE photo (out of the 100+) on my wall of him without a shirt on. It was from Black Hawk Down and he's in fatigue pants and dog tags, and a bit war-torn & dirty. But I never, in my young adolescent fantasties gave a second thought to his penis. He was like a Ken doll to me when I was 15. Hell, even now (when my sadly misguided affections have moved on to Topher Grace) do I have any thoughts of penises. Is that just me?

"raptor penis": If there's one consolation in the Justin Bieber horror story, it's that only one person found my blog searching that term. Thankfully the internet does not deem me an expert in the field. However, multiple people stumbled on my blog searching for more information on raptor penises. I can not fathom what information they were searching for but I sure hope they didn't find it here!

And lastly, an honourable mention must go to the following...

"what is that raptor sound in my backyard": This made me laugh & I hope this reader got a giggle out of my blog post about this very same subject. It's one of my favourites. (And the second photo in Google Images was the movie poster I made for this blog post.)

Miss SAMawdsley xx

PS: I have the lovely Miss Wanderlust to thank for this blog idea. She was the first person I saw do it and I give her all credit!

Questions:

• Can you explain any of these search terms?
• If you have a blog, what are some bizarre search terms that provide you traffic?
• What are some seriously weird things you've had to google? And why?

The one where I talk about penises

The parents of this child were
charged with  child cruelty

The parents of this child
suffered no ramifications

I am adamantly against genital mutilation. And that includes parents circumcising their sons.

I caused some controversy on the Internet (specifically Twitter) when I tweeted this.

I am against circumcision. For both men and women. There, I said it.

I was retweeted and favourited so many times (even as I type this, I'm still being retweeted around the internet) and the responses I got back were overwhelmingly supportive of my stance and agreeing with me.

@BenHarkin Yeah, I never could get excited about the prospect of circumcision

@Greyko Whenever a woman says she'll circumcise her son cos it looks better, I ask her if she plans on f***ing her son.

@DomSlashRyan Seconded. Especially for women, but even with men, there's no medical reason for it whatsoever

@cosmicjester I agree, I think routine circumcision for non medical purposes is barbaric

I followed this up with another tweet:

If a guy has a circumcised penis, that's fine & I definitely won't judge or think it looks weird, but let the man choose later for himself...

That prompted these responses.

@RockStar_Matt Lol who the f*** would choose it.

@CJ_Politics Sadly, most women I know look at this from the opposite perspective. I think circumcision is cruel, and a waste of money.

@jasoncodes That's it right there. It should be up to the individual to decide once they're capable of informed consent.

@natsukigirl I pretty much feel ill anytime someone tries to justify circumcision.

@CaBaNa_Dread I agree, I think routine circumcision for non medical purposes is barbaric

Some people found some wiggle room on my stance, such as for medical reasons. I knew a guy who had to be circumcised for medical reasons. His foreskin did not pull back and was fused to the head of the penis. Of course I support the decision his parents made. Where there is a medical necessity, what other choice is there?

But allow me to clarify, I am against circumcision that is not the express wish of the owner of the genitals.

If I had a child and I tattooed some meaningful family crest on his shoulder, I would be charged.

This is my choice and means a lot to my family but it's still wrong. It is irreversible and the child did not choose or agree to be part of this.

But if I had a child and I snipped off the foreskin of his penis, I would not be charged.

This is my choice and means a lot to my family but it's still wrong. It is irreversible and the child did not choose or agree to be part of this.

If the child wants to grow up and tattoo our family crest on his shoulder, after the age of 18 he's most welcome to.

So why is circumcision any different? If the child wants to grow up and snip off the foreskin of his penis, after the age of 18 he's most welcome to. What right does anybody have to take this choice away from their child? With all the outcry over and campaigning against female genital mutilation, I can't understand how some people cannot make the leap and connect it to male circumcision.

A child who is circumcised at a young age cannot change his mind. A child who is not circumcised, can. Don't deny your child this very important choice. The man he becomes may not be happy with what you decided for him.

Many people argue in favour of circumcision, citing health and hygienic reasons. Teach your son proper hygiene. Simple. Many, many men go through their younger lives uncircumcised without suffering infections or any problems. Remember when it was standard procedure to dock the tails of a rottweiler? Now it's illegal. Why do you suppose this unnecessary medical procedure was banned?

As I've stated, this should be a choice for the owner of the penis to make later in life. Out of medical necessity, it becomes a different story - but that should be seen as a similar (albeit less serious) situation to parents of a child suffering from meningitis who needs to decide whether to allow doctors to amputate a limb.

But I'll leave the final word to Corey James.

@CJ_Politics That said, I am myself - not by choice.

Miss SAMawdsley xx