Monday, 7 May 2012

I know what boys like! (Actually that's not true)

When I started this blog, I promised to blog honestly. So here's an honest story.
This post focuses on my own insecurities as a person.
It may contain personal opinions, jaded points of view and self-deprecating humour.

I have a lot of guy friends. In order to maintain this status quo without causing trouble, I make decisions when I meet guys as to whether they are friends or potential boyfriends. A guy can move from potential boyfriend to friend but once a guy is in the friend zone, I see him like a brother and a Ken doll. It is damn near impossible to move then.

I hung out with my friend Tony for the first time in years today. I was invited wakeboarding but thanks to my latest 'Sassy's accident of the week', I wasn't able to risk reinjuring my barely stable knee. But I agreed to go along with what I thought was a group of people. Now I met Tony in university. We were working on a group assignment with another girl, Victoria. Tony had a thing for Victoria so I'm very confident he is ok with being categorised as a Ken doll. Tony & I got along great & the first time I was ever in a plane, Tony was flying me around. He even let me have a go flying too! And he's moving to Perth soon so, yeah.

As I was pulling into the carpark where I was meeting Tony, I saw a hot guy. As I drove around I figured out that the hot guy was the friend Tony mentioned was with him. Ah, yes. Sufficiently awkward. I quickly figured it was just us three. Now this guy, Adam, is that kind of hot that you just know every other girl on the planet also thinks he's hot. I'm not saying he's the best looking guy ever, just that he looks friendly, approachable and like, cool guy next door kind of hot. But in my typically judgemental and compartmentalising way (stemmed from years as the victim of bullying), I labelled him someone who was going to have nothing in common with me and was probably going to be pretty pissed off at Tony for inviting this weird girl along.

But Adam was instantly joking with me, very funny and a pretty nice guy. I had a great time with them both, taking photos of them wakeboarding. I actually had a really awesome afternoon. Then we went to the pub for beer & pool. In order to carry on the fun hanging out, we made arrangements to drive my car back home so we would have one car & one DD. But as I parked my car, Adam got or made a phone call. I'm not sure how but the girl he likes told him she was free tonight & if he wanted to see her, it had to be that night. Cue, my little heart sinking just a little. It's not as if I liked him or anything, I'd only just met him but I was still a tiny bit disappointed. Which brings me to my point.

I know nothing about this girl Adam likes. Not one detail. But here's the thing. I've imagined this girl:

She has beautiful glossy chocolate brown hair that she straightens every day.
She is never caught without makeup.
She spends a lot of money on clothes and always looks great.
She wears heels no matter what.
Her cute little handbag has a phone, wallet, keys & liploss in it. That's it.
She has heaps of equally gorgeous friends who all look very similar. Their photos look like girl band promo shots.
Her Facebook shows her in clubs, with friends, on the beach & at holiday places like Bali & Thailand.

That's what guys want. Right?

I have dirty blonde hair that I rarely brush between washes. I only straighten if for a really special occassion.
My idea of make up is scratched on eyeliner, mascara & recently I bought a super invisible foundation. That's my going out makeup.
I do not buy anything that is not on sale. I also shop at op shops. Because I like them.
I wear heels if it's a special occassion & I won't actually need to stand up.
My handbag sling across my body & has everything including tablets, old receipts, lolly wrappers, half drunk water bottles and once, even swimming goggles.
My friends are gorgeous. I have a small handful of them. We don't go out much.
My Facebook shows me playing football, Kinect shots from my Xbox & taking stupid photos of myself, usually for comedic purposes.

That's NOT what guys want. Right?

I asked guys on Twitter what they value in a girl.
I got answers like funny, intelligent, shared interests, doesn't smoke, kind, generous... These are all qualities I like to think I possess. Now Twitter guys are smart guys. But I'm not sure they represent the typical red-blooded male. Given half a chance, I think most guys would take the hot chick over some weird, football & Xbox-loving quasi guy like me.

I can not stress enough, I am NOT fishing for compliments. This is my blog. These are my thoughts.

You see, on paper I know I sound like the ultimate girlfriend. I love sport. I love playing Xbox. I hate flick chicks & love action movies. I am more than willing to laugh at myself. I can fix most things around a house. I also am aware that I am no swamp donkey. But I don't think that is actually what guys wants.

I think they want the girl who oozes sex appeal in short skirts & gorgeous clothes, not the girl in the tartan skirt & Pink Floyd shirt. They want the girl who pouts into the camera with perfectly made up hair and faces, not the girl who couldn't really be bothered, as long as I don't look too bad, I'm OK.
Girl who oozes sex appeal
Girl who doesn't take herself seriously

I grew up the only girl in a house with two guys. I can use most power tools. I can fix almost anything in a house. I've tiled bathrooms, painted walls, built cupboards and laid concrete. Other girls won't get dirty because they will break a nail or they just plain don't know or care how to fix things. That's what girls are meant to do and what guy wants to be emasculated when his girlfriend can fix the broken door but he can't?
Girl who looks hot with power tools
Girl who can actually use power tools
I play football three times a week plus regularly just kick a ball around my yard. I play with men on a Monday night and I play hard. A few weeks ago, I was knocked out playing keeper. Other girls play netball. Once a week. Maybe. Or they go to they gym looking freakishly perfect, work up a gentle sweat & pat themselves down ready to starve themselves for another week.

Girl who is a gorgeous gym bunny
Girl who breaks herself playing sport
Guys also like the hot girl who gets together with her girlfriend on a Friday night & Saturday night. They wear heels for the entire time, they drink Cruisers or something and flirt outrageously. My Friday nights are more often than not spent playing Xbox or watching movies. That's if I don't have a football game. My Saturday nights are spent much the same way except I'll be watching football by the end of it because the EPL games start at about 10pm.
Girls and their Friday night shots
Girl and her Friday night shots
Girls always look gorgeous and "guy ready". Always. They're like ultimate fantasies and look just how they should, as girls, all the time.
Girl who looks gorgeous going to bed
Girl who wears dinosaur PJs to bed
This is just how I see it. I see these girls who always look perfect & I look down at my own dinosaur Tshirt & jeans. I know I'm different. I know who I am & I love who I am. I am confident and not fake at all. But I just can't be that girl. Not without being fake. And I can't do the hair and the makeup. I've tried. When I was hanging out with the guys today, I was talking about how I'm sure I can wakeboard because I can skate the ramps & bowls on rollerblades. I talked about how I want to go to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. I suggested beers and pool. And then I asked the barman to put the football on the bar TV.

I feel like guys are never going to take me seriously. The perfect girls are the ones who the boys want. I'm not saying guys don't like me. I know there are some that have. I'm not, as Cher would say, 'completely without' but I am not that girl.

On paper, I am the best girlfriend EVER. In reality, I guess I just don't take myself seriously enough as a girl.
Yes. This is me.
Yes, I'm a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl.
No, there wasn't a fancy dress party.
It was Friday night. We were bored.
Miss SAMawdsley xx


  • What do you think guys like?
  • How do you imagine the perfect girl?
PS: I'm sorry if I offend any guys (or even girls). I know all guys aren't like this. Hell, maybe most guys aren't like this. Maybe no guy is like this. I may be jaded, cynical and a little bit unwilling to put myself out there. But this is my blog. This is how I feel. And these are my thoughts. If you are one of the girls I described, note that I am not dissing you. I am jealous of you. You seem perfect to me.


  1. The girls you posted pictures of, the girls you described... well sure, maybe i'd fuck them. That's about it. They're not partner material.

    I hate lots of make up on girls. It's gross. I think high heels are stupid, and I think less of women who wear them.

    To be honest, you're pretty damn close to exactly what I would want in a girl. You're a bit young for me and I really don't like soccer, but the soccer thing isn't an issue. People don't need all the same interests.

    I don't want a decoration, I want someone I can hang out with, someone who's going to be my best friend. We're gonna bum around the house and do stupid shit, we'll play computer games together. When I hang out with mates, she'll be someone we can all be friends with.

    But if we're going to generalise about what people want, I guess I'll never get that because I'm not super muscly and buff, I don't drive a sports car and don't earn six figures.

  2. I guess old mate above makes a good point. If your sitting there thinking that you want a guy to not take the picture perfect girl and be into you, are you willing to drop the hunt for the picture perfect dude?
    after all, what do girls want?

  3. So I had a chance to think about this overnight and I've changed my mind. Please disregard anything I may have said yesterday. I think there is a section of the male population that wants that type of girl but do you want to be with that type of guy? In my experience the guy that wants the girl which has limited personality, spends fri/sat nights in the club and obsesses on how they look are the guys that can be found in the clubs late, care how they look and have limited personality. I'm talking here about the guy that actually gets with that girl.

    I think what most guys probably want is a hybrid and I think it's a personal choice just how far left or right from the centre they go. I certainly wouldn't say the chics you mention are the perfect girl, but I also wouldn't go the other way and say you are either (Sorry Sass!!). But what I am sure of is that there are heaps of men out there that would go crushing after you, you just probably haven't realised it!

  4. Does anyone else find it ironic that the stereotypical 'hot girl' is also pathologically an 'ice queen' to most people?

    1. and might I add, I girl that can write something without resorting to shorthand text speak (lol, totes, fml for instance) is an attractive feature. As I always say Prose before Hos!

  5. Seriously? You sound awesome. Whenever I see a picture of a girl pouting into the mirror (usually pushing their boobs and ass out) I have to laugh because they're basically trying to look like porn stars. Also it reminds me of Donald Trump, who does the same thing in all his pictures (e.g. ).

  6. I've learned a lot having been married these almost 5 years and been with my girl for a whole 10 years this past March. This is a sampling of things I learned about relationships and even potential ones.

    - What you want and need are completely different things. If someone were to write down everything they wanted in a mate, the reality of what they need might be a completely different list. I had no idea that I needed a girl to keep me on my toes. I'm so relaxed that I probably don't take things as seriously as I need to sometimes. My wife fills that need.

    - Gorgeously hot girls are actually a turn off for me in terms of a potential girl friend. I can't explain this without going all nerdy, but seeing as how you play some games on your own, I think you'll get it. I have a theory: we all have x amount of points to spend on ourselves, kind of like RPG characters. You can either be really intelligent, or really strong, or maybe a little bit of everything across the board. But the point is you can't have everything. So someone who puts all of their points in the charisma trait is seriously lacking everywhere else. Their charisma might take them a few places some people can't get to, but it won't get them everywhere and eventually find themselves alone without any genuine friends.

    - I won't lie, the dating scene is tough. Trying to figure out who you might be compatible with and who makes good partner material is pretty hard. For one, I think it takes a solid understanding of who you are as a person. Secure in that knowledge, you won't be manipulated by anyone who wants to take advantage of you or thinks you should act a certain way. Anyone who does that is obviously out. The important thing about dating is finding someone that feels natural to you, you don't have to change anything about who you are for them and it feels like makes sense for the two of you to be together. It's hard, I know, but I have confidence in you. The one advantage you have over most is that you're a likable and genuine girl. This means you make lots of friends - the world over, apparently.